Why Love Takes Work
Fast is in! Faster ways to clean, faster ways to cook, faster ways to learn… we have been finding faster ways to get things done for centuries, and for good reason. With time flying so quickly we’re no longer interested in spending the vast majority of our life just surviving, we want to live and we want to live with each other. And it’s great that mankind has been able to intelligently create and build ways and means of doing just that. But it starts getting onto the absurd end of the continuum when we start looking for faster ways to love.
Personally, I believe that the number one advantage of our developed world is that it affords us more time to spend with each other; cultivating and maintaining relationships. Unfortunately, we’ve allowed our fast paced mindset to interfere with our view of our relationships with each other and instead of allowing these advances to help build stronger relationships we allow it to take away from the quality of our interactions. Thanks to social media sites, we can have fast friends. With just a click of a button our circle of friendship increases for all to see, and we in the Caribbean and wider parts of the world, are no strangers to the idea of shortcuts to getting and keeping a man. You hear of absurd ideas like potions, spells and tricks to get and keep a partner. So much so that people no longer believe that a relationship can last, that a woman or man can be head over heels in love with someone without some kind of sorcery being involved.
But here is the truth that may astonish many, the one thing you cannot fast track in this life, is your relationship with others. Relating to others effectively is always going to be the one thing that will take time, effort and deliberation.
In an effort to keep these posts short and to the point, here are some brief reasons why:
- People are different: Individuality does not just refer to our facial or physical features, it is the very essence of who we are. Because of this no two people will see the same issue the same way. Hence the reason we look for compatibility in relationships and not sameness. Because sameness in any two people is utterly impossible
- People change: as much as we may not like to admit it, our significant others, our parents, children even our friends are not going to remain the same. So if you don’t make an effort to keep up, here’s what’s going to happen you may end up using that tell tale line that things are about to go down hill in a relationship… “I just don’t know you anymore.” If you want to maintain your relationships, you’re going to have to keep up, stay relevant and guess what? That takes work.
- People were made for fellowship: Once you are a living breathing thinking, partially-to-fully-functional organism, you know what you need and if you’re not cognitively aware of it, trust me your body will find some way of telling you that you’re not being cared for the way you desire. And whether you care to admit it or not, having being created in the image and likeness of God, there is one need that we will always be aware of: A need to be loved and to belong. This need is probably the one need we have as humans where we actually need other humans, whether in community or in interpersonal relations. And I believe it’s the need that causes us the most problems in our families, communities and nations.
It is for these reasons that we can’t fast track loving each other, it’s for these reasons that we can’t trick each other into loving us. Love is work yes, especially when you think of the effort and time it takes to maintain our relationships. But love is worth it. So make an effort today to put in the work. And note that when I say you, I mean you. When it comes to maintaining relationships it’s all about the choices you make, you can’t force someone to love you but you can do something about the way you love them. Spend time with your children, learn what they are into these days, what new things are happening in their lives, be there. Go out with your spouse plan a date night, do something that they would love (and let your children see you enjoy time with each other). Listen to each other, share with each other, be interested in each other. The greatest gift you can give to your family is your time, your energy… your love. PUT IN THE WORK.
There is so much we can talk about on this topic, and we will… in upcoming posts. In the meantime what you can do is subscribe to stay updated and leave a comment. Tell us, do you think love is work and why or why not?
Keep pressing,
Kelly P
Kelly is the founder of Royalty Press United. Author of the Gemstone Royals fantasy series, Twist of Faith and Crossroads. Counseling psychologist, proud Grenadian and devoted follower of Christ.
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